10 signs that you’re ugly

Let me preface this by saying that I do not think I’m ugly (not even a little bit), nor are any of my readers ugly.  You are all beautiful in your own way.  However, there are people out there not as fortunate as us.

I always wonder, “Do ugly people know they’re ugly or do they go through life thinking they look good because nobody tells them otherwise?”

I often answer myself: “Yes, they know they’re ugly.  How could they not know?  The world sends signs to ugly people to remind them of their ugliness.”

I firmly believe that.  Here are those signs:

  1. When a baby sees you for the first time, it stops smiling/laughing and simply stares at you.  Yes, all babies stare.  Yes, they are easily startled.  However, if the baby continues to look at you like you have something nasty growing on your face, well – you do.
  2. When you walk into a department store, nobody offers to help you.  I walked into JC Penny last week to look for a shirt, and the moment I walked into the men’s department, two different women came up to me and offered to help.  Some people see this as doing their job, but I see it as them wanting to help a non-ugly person as opposed to an ugly person.
  3. If you work as a waiter or waitress, you routinely get awful tips.  Granted, sometimes people simply suck at their jobs, even pretty people.  But if you do a good job and you notice that your tip is smaller than your pretty co-worker, it’s probably because you look like a bag of smashed assholes.
  4. If you’re at the bar and the bartender gets your drink last.  No worries, you’ll get your beer eventually.  You’ll just have to wait until the pretty people in line get their drinks first.
  5. If your significant other always compliments your stunning personality and never your looks.  A wise man once said that he’d rather a woman hate him and think he’s good-looking as opposed to liking him and thinking he’s ugly.  That man was George Costanza.  He’s correct.  Many people say that real beauty is on the inside.  Bull shit.
  6. If you simply can’t get a boyfriend or girlfriend.  There’s a difference between wanting to be single and having to be single.  Anyone can find a boyfriend or girlfriend, even average people.  Beer makes that possible.  But if you’ve tried for years to find love and can’t, time to think about buying a new face.
  7. When you get turned down for a job in favor of someone with lesser credentials.  People want to work with pretty people.  It might be discrimination, but I’m sure they’ll lie and say something like, “The other guy had more experience” or “We really thought she interviewed well.”  That may make you feel a little better, but deep down you should know that it happened because they looked better than you.
  8. When you’re in college or beyond and you grow tremendous acne.  Your body is trying to cover up your face.  That’s all it is.  How many times have you said, “That person would look good if it wasn’t for all the acne?”  None, because the acne is there to help hide the ugliness.
  9. When you realize that you hang out with one hot friend and the rest are ugly.  Girls pull this shit all the time.  One hot girl will surround herself with a bunch of uglies to increase the chances of her meeting a guy or, in general, to make herself feel better about herself.  If you look around and notice that you have one cute friend and five uglies in your group, you are one of the uglies.
  10. If you are offended by this blog entry.  If you are sitting on your phone or at your computer and laughing at this, congrats, you are not ugly, but more importantly you have shown an ability to take a joke.  If you’re really pissed off right now, well, sorry about your face.

Like I said, none of my readers are ugly.  Give yourselves a pat on that back.  My day of blogging is done.  Until Friday…

19 thoughts on “10 signs that you’re ugly

  1. Pingback: My best blog entries of the year – #4 « Wire & Vice
  2. Lol! Whoever you are you are good at your blog writing :) i got ae wee offended by this though but thats ok more looking for signs of ugly features

  3. If you wrote this shit it’s because that’s how you really see yourself. You understand so well how ugly people are supposedly treated that I can only conclude this is how they treat you. No one needs people with that kind of attitude. I hope you re-examine your way of thinking and if you think you’re justified, then please do humanity a favor and put a bullet in your head. I would feel really bad for your (future?) kids too as they have such a “wonderful” role model. They’re better off being adopted and staying as faraway from the likes of you, you piece of dog shit.

  4. This is a rip off of Bugatti Beez video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_-aKsyGWYo come up with your own stuff and stop stealing from people and marketing it as your own. I am pretty sure it is plagiarism, unethical, and just plain stupid. Use your imagination or just stop writing, you’re obviously not cutting it. I mean you even wrote the start and end and changed it with “blog” or some shit. Stupid asf. Get a life, creativity, and for goodness sake some viewers gained by YOUR own merit. Let me guess, this is your story with the most comments? You probably are ugly. #Sorrynotsorry It’s takes from buggatti, and it’s wrong.

    • Oh, I’m so sorry. You wrote this BEFORE the video was made. I just get a little passionate on things I think is wrong. My sincere apologies.

  5. But what about me? Everywhere I go, men looks at me and gives me compliments, says hi, etc. at my surprise, I get more suitors without makeup, even if I have some acnes, strangers still likes me and calls me beautiful most of the time some said I am enough beautiful to be an actress, they mostly compare me with Anne Hathaway. That was back in my single times, now Im in a relationship off course I no longer entertain boys, but those who don’t know I’m take checks me out, but my significant other only compliments me with my personality, not the way I look, this is the 1st time that happened to me in a relation, but yet he is protective that I should keep distance from other guys to avoid temptations.

    • Almost forgot, babies and children smiles at me some wishes to look like me when they grow up. BTW with ot without acne guys still thinks I’m beautiful. I dont wear anything sexy either

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